I have high functioning anxiety and depression. There I said it. It’s out in the open. With the stigma around mental health I’m sure many of you will think this is just another millennial trying to make excuses to be lazy and not read past this sentence. For a long time I thought so too, but after 7 years of trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I have to say that stigma is false.
I don’t know when/why these symptoms occur and for the longest time I tried to ignore them. The absolute fear of not achieving perfection. The constant anxiety that I was being judged by everyone around me. The non-stop self-criticisms that came after every minor failure or critique. I assumed this was all normal. But then came the random breakdowns, weight issues, and purging. That’s when I knew, and many close friends around me knew, things needed to change.
Now, before we talk about solution, we need to better understand the problem. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself. I love working and pushing towards a goal. In fact, many people would look at my life and never guess I was suffering from anxiety and depression. I seem to have it together and that’s exactly how I want it to be. I’m not searching for a crutch. I simply have an imbalance of chemicals and hormones that I can’t control on my own and rely on outside sources to put things back in check.
So you may wonder, if you’re not aiming for a self-pity party, then what are you trying to accomplish? Good question. It took me 7 years to realize I needed to ask for help, and the only reason I came to that conclusion was when I knew I wasn’t the only person fighting a similar internal battle. All it took was 1 friend to publicly say that they had asked for help, and I didn’t feel stupid or crazy or alone anymore. If this post can help someone like how I found help, then mission accomplished.
It’s ok to reach out for help. It’s ok to share your emotions. It’s ok to not be perfect. But it’s NOT ok to ignore your problems because you’re afraid of the stigmas. It’s also NOT ok to conform to those stigmas because you think it’s an easy way out. I found help and happiness now that I never thought possible. I still get sad and mad sometimes, but so does everyone else. But I don’t let those negative emotions consume my entire life anymore, and that’s really all anyone can ask for. You can still have some fears (heights and snakes are still not my friends), but that doesn’t mean you can’t be fearless as well!
I don’t know when/why these symptoms occur and for the longest time I tried to ignore them. The absolute fear of not achieving perfection. The constant anxiety that I was being judged by everyone around me. The non-stop self-criticisms that came after every minor failure or critique. I assumed this was all normal. But then came the random breakdowns, weight issues, and purging. That’s when I knew, and many close friends around me knew, things needed to change.
Now, before we talk about solution, we need to better understand the problem. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself. I love working and pushing towards a goal. In fact, many people would look at my life and never guess I was suffering from anxiety and depression. I seem to have it together and that’s exactly how I want it to be. I’m not searching for a crutch. I simply have an imbalance of chemicals and hormones that I can’t control on my own and rely on outside sources to put things back in check.
So you may wonder, if you’re not aiming for a self-pity party, then what are you trying to accomplish? Good question. It took me 7 years to realize I needed to ask for help, and the only reason I came to that conclusion was when I knew I wasn’t the only person fighting a similar internal battle. All it took was 1 friend to publicly say that they had asked for help, and I didn’t feel stupid or crazy or alone anymore. If this post can help someone like how I found help, then mission accomplished.
It’s ok to reach out for help. It’s ok to share your emotions. It’s ok to not be perfect. But it’s NOT ok to ignore your problems because you’re afraid of the stigmas. It’s also NOT ok to conform to those stigmas because you think it’s an easy way out. I found help and happiness now that I never thought possible. I still get sad and mad sometimes, but so does everyone else. But I don’t let those negative emotions consume my entire life anymore, and that’s really all anyone can ask for. You can still have some fears (heights and snakes are still not my friends), but that doesn’t mean you can’t be fearless as well!